Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
