oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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