So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
