the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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