just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
