you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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