You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
