You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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