i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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