Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
