it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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