I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
