Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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