So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
