I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So vagazzling was a success
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
