he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
