I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Someone came in the potted fern
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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