i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
