Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
