Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
