Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
