I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
