handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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