I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
