Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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