smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
