Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
