i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
