she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
