he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
