Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
