Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
