So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
