Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
