If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
