Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
