just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
