I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
