It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
