I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
babies were throwing up all over the place
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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