you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
