dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
