you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
