Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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