my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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