Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
