Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
