I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
