We're facebook friends in real life
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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