I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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