they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
