Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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