I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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