He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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