A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
